Bookmarks:
One: Wombat Wiccca Laws
Two: Snipe Sorcery
Three: God of the Month Club
Four: Excerpt from Principia Discordia
Five: Computer Blessing
Six: Discordian Epistle
Seven: Erisian Songs
Eight: The Eve of Midwinter
Nine: Chocolate Ritual

The Law was made and ardane about a week from last Wednesday.

The Law was made for the Wiccca, in order that they should develop a nice longhand style from copying it.

The Wiccca should give due worship to the Gozd, presuming that they believe the Gozd exist and aren't just metaphors; and obey their Will, which the HPs of the Coven will make up as she goes along, for it was made for the purpose of ego-tripping and wild parties.

The worship of the Wiccca is good for the owners of Occult Supply Stores, for the owners of Occult Supply Stores love the money of the Wiccca.

As a man loveth a woman using the missionary position, so the Wiccca should shaft their fellows and other total strangers frequently. And it is necessary that the Magick Circle, which is the principal difference between a Wicccan rite and a frat party, be cast and all the Wiccca properly purified so they can drink five gallons of Ripple each and not throw up. (Editor's Note: Unfortunately, Ripple is no longer being made.)

The HPs shall r/u/i/n/ rule her Coven as the local representative of the Goddess, and choose whomever she is sleeping with this week to be her HP ... or her Maiden.

And remember that the Wiccca would have it that the God Himself kissed Her feet and gave up the position of Ringmaster to Her because of Her arbitrariness and autocracy, Her spite and unreason, Her mysteriousness and ignorance; so the HP is expected to go as far away as possible and not even show up for Sabbats.

It is the greatest virtue of a HPs that she turn as many of her Covenors into closet Xtians as possible, for the true HPs realizes that anyone with the sense Goddess gave a goose is not going to stick around without having a death wish.

In the Olden Days, when the Wiccca extended far, we were free and had reservations in all the best restaurants. But these days, we eat at McDonald's.

SO BE IT ARDANE, that none but the Wiccca shall ever be invited to dinner, for the people who ignore us are many, and if they ever found out what we are really up to, they would giggle.

SO BE IT ARDANE that no Coven shall know where the next Coven bide, nor who its members be, save anyone who looks in Circle Network News and the hit team we send out to sanction them.

SO BE IT ARDANE that no one shall tell anyone anything, least of all they fellows in the Kraft, for fear one of you will learn something; because as it is truly writ: "Gerald wrote it, I copied it, that settles it."

And if any break these Laws, they will have to start their own Tradition and make up their own Grandmother.

Let each HPs govern her Coven as she damn' well please, riding roughshod over the Covenors as long as they will stand for it.

But it must be recognized that sooner or later they will get mad and stop bringing the Ripple to Coven meetings. When this happens, it hath ever been the Old Law that the HPs will Elevate them to Third Degree and kick them out, and promise them the rest of the Book ... someday.

Anyone of any degree or none may found a Coven, provided that they think they can get away with it and can create a convincing Grandmother.

They may raid other Covens for members as long as no one knows where to find them.

But splitting the Coven oft means new opportinities for evading the consequences of your actions, so the wise HPs will think of it first.

If you should keep a Black Book, let it be in your own hand of write, except for the parts you xerox out of Lady Sheba. Or better yet, tell everybody they're not yet of a high enough degree to see it.

Proclaim your Wicccahood loudly, and often; you may be able to do a brisk trade in spells, psychic fairs, and talk shows. If nobody believes you, try holding a public skyclad Circle. If all else fails, hire a press agent and advertise in the National Inquirer. If they try to make you talk of the Brotherhood, lay it on with a trowel. Ancient Atlantis is always good for a five-minute spot on the Six O'Clock News. Not all interviewers are bad; some may even flash your business address on the screen for a few seconds.

Fear not; the Brotherhood is not likely to notice anything you do, and if they do, they will say: "Well, we have no patent on the word `Witch' ... and who am I to say she's not honest and valid?"

To avoid discovery, let your working tools be ordinary stuff such as any may have around the house: AR-15s, Patton Tanks, Howitzers (let's see how far we can stretch the First Amendment, gang!). Have no names or signs on anything, and remove the ones they came with, as otherwise this can lead to a charge of receiving stolen property.

Let the Pentacles be made of wax unless something else is more convenient. Have no sword, unless you are in the SCA or are a collector of WWII memorabilia.

Write the names and signs on a gummed label so that it can be peeled off immediately afterwards; remember that "Not Guilty By Reason of Insanity" is a valid defense in cases of this kind.

Ever remember that you are the Hidden Children of the Goddess; when you can take time out from karma dumping runs, psychic vendettas, banishing each other from the Coven, and discussing how much fun it would be to persecute the Xtians, remember never to do anything to disgrace Her. Or Them, if that's possible.

In the Olden Days, when we had Power, we could use the Art against any who ill-treated us; but these days a whispering campaign works better. Remember always that there are a lot of flakey people out there, and for this reason it is best to give a fake name and a Post Office Box address. Someone is always going to blame you for something.

SO BE IT ARDANE: HARM NONE, or at least have a good alibi. Never break this law, or people who get burned along with you will come after you with baseball bats, and you will never be able to score any decent hash again.

Always accept money for the use of the Art, but keep an eye on the Gypsy Laws. In some states, barter works better. All may use the Art for their own advantage; remember, quick and dirty works best, and you can lay off the Karma on the Coven. If that doesn't work, try dead cats in the mailbox.

'Tis the Old Law and most important of all the Laws that no one may do anything that will endanger any of the Kraft. Unless there's money in it, or it's to someone you think deserves it, and anyway, "endanger" is in the eye of the beholder.

In any dispute between the Wiccca, no one may invoke any Law but that of the Kraft. However, you can break into your opponent's home and mess up their stuff ... after all, it says right here that they can't go to the police.

Never bargain or haggle when you buy for the Art; most Occult Store owners will just throw you out and everyone else will think you're a nut.

Let the Kraft go out and buy a copy of Culpepper's Herbal and a PDR, and learn the names of all pharmaceuticals that will really send you on a bum trip. Keep another book with all the antidotes and the names of your suppliers and let only trustworthy people have this knowledge.

It is ever the way with men and with women that they are ruled by their glands. At any moment your HPs may run off and become a Rosicrucian. And the way of Resignation if this: if she doesn't answer her phone for two weeks and is never home when you drive by, you can declare her outcast from the Coven and take over the Coven yourself, with as many as will have you. But if she comes back, she will probably take over the Coven again, or start another one in the same building and declare you Invalid, and there's not much you can do about it. Learn to live with anxiety. Get everything in writing.

It hath been found that two people sitting around with a bottle of Chianti discussing Atlantean Grandmothers will become fond of each other, if only because of the Stockholm Syndrome. Therefore let it be resolved that a human being shall be taught in the Kraft only by another human being, and screw the middle-class morality of the nineteen-fifties.

And the Curses of the Mighty Ones be on all who try to take this seriously, or the Kraft seriously, or the Wiccca seriously. Caveat Lector, and May The Force Be With You!

In the great tradition of `Wombat Wicca' and Witchduck, we present the following as the second in a series of Ceremonials" Asst. Ed.

As promised, in this edition of Snipe Sorcery, we present the two major invokations used in the Snipe rituals...

Invokation to Baboo

O beautiful, bright Baboo, the banshee ballerina, the baroque bawd, the bedazzling, buxom bombshell, we pray to thee, our bumptious bulwark of burlesque, and beg you to bless our bacchanal with the bonbon of your bright presence.

Light our lewd labors with the lascivious laughter of your leering legacy. Endorse each word of our earnest entertainment for the enlightenment of the entranced masses, huddled in the darkness of their prudery and inhibitions.

Grant us the power to dispell the gloom of puritan despondency which looms over their eternal labors and help them take their heavy load and shove it. So Mote it Be

Invokation to Bacchus

Rah! Rah! Rah! Sis Boom Bah! If we can't have Bacchus, we'll have no god at all!

Gimme a "P" Gimme an "A" Gimme an "R" Gimme a "T" Gimme a "Y"

What's that spell? What's that spell? What's that spell?

Repeat as necessary. ......................from R.M.P.J. 8/86

And I'm not making this up! (well not much) but the Club can be found by calling The Matrix at 205-323-2016, the Joker's Castle at 205-664-5589 or the Crunchy Frog at 205-956-1755. It's all in fun and Pagan too. And the only conference that I know that gets both die-hard fundies AND atheists upset! High-Prest T. Mc.

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(Eris = Goddess of Confusion; slightly adapted from Greek mythology.)

(For the complete book, write to: Loompanics Unlimited, PO Box 1197, Port Townsend, WA 98368 - unsolicited advertisement.)

PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA: The Magnum Opiate of Malaclypse the Younger
(excerpts) ALL RITES REVERSED (K) REPRINT WHAT YOU LIKE
Dedicated to the Prettiest One

POEE is one manifestation of the DISCORDIAN SOCIETY about which you will learn more and understand less.

We are a tribe of philosophers, theologians, magicians, scientists, artists, clowns, and similar maniacs who are intrigued with ERIS GODDESS OF CONFUSION and with Her Doings.

"There are trivial truths and there are great truths. The opposite of a trivial truth is plainly false. The opposite of a great truth is also true" --Neils Bohr.

ON PRAYER: Mal-2 was once asked by one of his Disciples if he often prayed to Eris. He replied with these words: No, we Erisians seldom pray, it is much too dangerous. Charles Fort has listed many factual incidences of ignorant people confronted with, say, a drought, and then praying fervently -- and then getting the entire village wiped out in a torrential flood.

THE LAW OF FIVES:
The Law of Fives is one of the oldest Erisian Mysterees. It was first revealed to Good Lord Omar and is one of the great contributions to come from the Hidden Temple of the Happy Jesus.

POEE subscribes to the Law of Fives of Omar's sect. And POEE also recognizes the holy 23 (2+3=5) that is incorporated by Episkopos Dr. Mordecai Malignatius, KNS, into his Discordian sect, the Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria.

The Law of Fives states simply that: ALL THINGS HAPPEN IN FIVES, OR ARE DIVISIBLE BY OR MULTIPLES OF FIVE, OR ARE SOMEHOW DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY APPROPRIATE TO FIVE. The Law of Fives is never wrong. In the Erisian Archives is an old memo from Omar to Mal-2: "I find the Law of Fives to be more and more manifest the harder I look."

POEE (Pronounced "POEE") is an acronym for the PARATHEO-ANAMETA-MYSTIKHOOD OF ERIS ESOTERIC. The first part can be taken to mean "equivalent deity, reversing beyond-mystique". We are not really esoteric, it's just that nobody pays much attention to us. MY HIGH REVERENCE MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER, AB, DD, KSC, is the High Priest of POEE, and POEE is grounded his episkopotic revelations of The Goddess. The POEE HEAD TEMPLE is the Joshua Norton Cabal of The Discordian Society, which is located in Mal-2's pineal gland and can be found by temporaly and spatially locating the rest of Mal-2. POEE has no treasury, no by-laws, no articles, no guides save Mal-2's pineal gland, and has only one scruple -- which Mal-2 keeps on his key chain. POEE has not registered, incorporated, or otherwise chartered with the State, and so the State does not recognize POEE or POEE Ordinations, which is only fair, because POEE does not recognise the State.

ORDINATION AS A POEE PRIEST: There are no particular qualifications for Ordination because if you want to be a POEE Priest then you must undoubtably qualify. Who could possibly know better than you whether or not you should be Ordained?

NO TWO EQUALS ARE THE SAME

THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY: The Discordian Society has no definition.

I sometimes think of it as a disorganization of Eris Freaks. It has been called a guerilla mind theatre. Episkopos Randomfactor, Director of Purges of Our People's Underworld Movement sect in Larchmont. prefers "The World's Greatest Association of What-ever-it- is-that-we-are." Lady Mal thinks of it as a RENAISSANCE THINK TANK. Fang the Unwashed, WKC, won't say. You can think of it any way you like.

An EPISKOPOS OF THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY is one who prefers total autonomy, and creates his own Discordian sect as The Goddess directs him. He speaks for himself and for those that say they like what he says.

The LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD: A Discordian Society Legionnaire is one who prefers not to create his own sect.

If you want in on the Discordian Society then declare yourself what you wish do what you like and tell us about it or if you prefer don't.

There are no rules anywhere. The Goddess Prevails.

The Hell Law says that Hell is reserved exclusively for them that believe in it. Further, the lowest Rung in Hell is reserved for them that believe in it on the supposition that they'll go there if they don't. -- HBT; The Gospel According to Fred, 3:1

CONVENTIONAL CHAOS:
GREYFACE: In the year 1166 B.C., a malcontented hunchbrain by the name of Greyface, got it into his head that the universe was as humorless as he, and he began to teach that play was sinful because it contradicted the ways of Serious Order. "Look at all that order about you," he said. And from that, he deluded honest men to believe that reality was a straightjacket affair and not the happy romance as men had known it.

It is not presently understood why men were so gullible at that particular time, for absolutely no one thought to observe all the DISORDER around them and conclude just the opposite. But anyway, Greyface and his followers took the game of playing at life more seriously than they took life itself and were known even to destroy other living beings whose ways of life differed from their own.

The unfortunate result of this is that mankind has since been suffering from a psychological and spiritual imbalance. Imbalance causes frustration, and frustration causes fear. And fear makes a bad trip. Man has been on a bad trip for a long time now.

It is called THE CURSE OF GREYFACE.

HERE FOLLOWS SOME PSYCHO-METAPHYSICS. If you are not hot for philosophy, best just skip it.

The Aneristic Principle is that of APPARENT ORDER; the Erisitic Principle is that of APPARENT DISORDER. Both order and disorder are man made CONCEPTS and are artificial divisions of PURE CHAOS, which is a level deeper than is the level of distinction making.

With our concept-making apparatus called "mind" we look at reality through the ideas-about-reality which our cultures give us. The ideas-about-reality are mistakenly labeled "reality" and unenlightened people are forever perplexed by the fact that other people, especially other cultures, see "reality" differently. It is only the ideas-about-reality which differ. Real (capital-T True) reality is a level deeper than is the level of concept.

We look through the world through windows on which have been drawn grids (concepts). Different philosophies use different grids. A culture is a group of people with rather similar grids. Through a window we view chaos, and relate it to the points on our grid, and thereby understand it. The ORDER is in the GRID. That is the Aneristic Principle.

Western philosophy is traditionally concerned with contrasting one grid with another grid, and amending grids in hopes of finding a perfect one that will account for all reality and will, hence, (say unenlightened westerners) be True. This is illusory; it is what we Erisians call the ANERISTIC ILLUSION. Some grids can be more useful than others, some more beautiful than others, some more pleasant than others, etc., but none can be more True than any other.

DISORDER is simply unrelated information viewed through some particular grid. But, like "relation", no-relation is a concept. Male, like female, is an idea about sex. To say that male-ness is "absence of female-ness", or vice versa, is a matter of definition and metaphysically arbitrary. The artificial concept of no-relation is the ERISTIC PRINCIPLE.

The belief that "order is true" and disorder is false or somehow wrong, is the Aneristic Illusion. To say the same of disorder, is the ERISTIC ILLUSION.

The point is that (little-t) truth is a matter of definition relative to the grid one is using at the moment, and that (capital-T) Truth, metaphysical reality, is irrelevant to grids entirely. Pick a grid, and through it some chaos appears ordered and some appears disordered. Pick another grid, and the same chaos will appear differently ordered and disordered.

Reality is the ultimate Rorschach.

THE LAST WORD

The foregoing document was revealed to Mal-2 by the Goddess Herself through many consultations with Her within his Pineal Gland. It is guaranteed to be the Word of Goddess. However, it is only fair to state that Goddess doesn't always say the same thing to each listener, and that other Episkoposes are sometimes told quite different things in their Revelations, which are also the Word of Goddess. Consequently, if you prefer a Discordian Sect other than POEE, then none of these Truths are binding, and it is a rotten shame that you have read all the way down to the very last word.

(This has been a public service presentation dated 4-87, from the Bebe L'Strange Cabal, which may have undergone a name change by the time you read this. This stuff has been hanging around longer than CompuServe has, and there is no copyright applicable to you, me, or CompuServe.)

Blessings on this fine machine,
May its data all be clean.
Let the files stay where they're put,
Away from disk drives keep all soot.
From its screen shall come no whines,
Let in no spikes on power lines.
As oaks were sacred to the Druids,
Let not the keyboard suffer fluids.
Disk Full shall be no more than rarity,
The memory shall not miss its parity.
From the modem shall come wonders,
Without line noise making blunders.
May it never catch a virus,
And all its software stay desirous.
Oh let the printer never jam,
And turn my output into spam.
I ask of Eris, noble queen,
Keep Murphy far from this machine.

1988 Zhahai Stewart

Questions: Have a friendly class talk. Permit each child to tell any part of the unit on "Courtesy in the Corridors and on the Stairs" that he enjoyed. Name some causes of disturbance in your school.

1. Ye have locked yerselves up in cages of fear --and, behold, do ye now complain that ye lack FREEDOM! 2. Ye have cast out yer brothers for devils and now complain ye, lamenting, that ye've been left to fight alone. 3. All Chaos was once yer kingdom; verily, held ye dominion over the entire Pentaverse, but today ye wax sore afraid in dark corners, nooks, and sink holes. 4. O how the darkness do crowd up, one against the other, in ye hearts! What fear ye more that what ye have wroughten? 5. Verily, verily I say unto you, not all the Sinister Ministers of the Bavarian Illuminati, working together in multitudes, could so entwine the land with tribulation as have yer baseless warnings.

ALL RIGHTS REVERSED - Reprint what you like

BATTLE HYMN OF THE ERISTOCRACY
(Tune: Battle Hymn of the Republic)
v Lord Omar v 3: Talespinner

1. Mine brain has meditated on the spinning of The Chao;
It is hovering o'er the table where the Chiefs of Staff are now
Gathered in discussion of the dropping of The Bomb;
Her Apple Corps is strong!

Chorus: Grand (and gory) Old Discordia!
Grand (and gory) Old Discordia!
Grand (and gory) Old Discordia!
Her Apple Corps is strong!

2. She was not invited to the party held on Olympic;
So she threw a Golden Apple, 'stead of turned the other cheek!
Oh, it cracked the Holy Punchbowl and it made the nectar leak;
Her Apple Corps is strong!

3. For the Apple Hera offered Paris all the wealth she could;
Athena promised that his enemies bodies would be strewed;
But Aphrodite offered Helen - and EVERYONE got screwed!
Her Apple Corps is strong!

THE PRETTIEST ONE
(Tune: To God Be The Glory)
by Talespinner

1. To Goddess be glory, we all will have fun!
And warm is our love of "the prettiest one",
But warmer and glowing and deadly will be
The planet Earth after they start World War III.

Chorus: Hail Eris! Hail Eris!
Let the Goddess be praised!
Hail Eris! Hail Eris!
Let your glasses be raised!
Reality comes from the mouth of a gun,
But all can be changed by "the prettiest one."

2. To Goddess be glory, we've hardly begun
To alter our minds for "the prettiest one."
To the Ultimate Mindfuck our allegiance we pledge;
We'll push all the greyfaces over the edge!

'Twas the Eve of Midwinter, and all through the Coven
The witches were cooking strange things in the oven.

There were mugwort fajitas and Dragon's Blood stew
And Mescaline eggnog and Mandrake fondue.

There were hot mountain oysters and road-kill pate'
And Spotted-Owl kidneys, and wombat flambee'.

The Circle was cast and the herbs had been smoked
In hopes that the Goddess would soon be invoked.

When out by the hot-tub arose such a clatter
I jumped on my broom to see what was the matter.

And what should I see in the Blackberry thorns
But a soaking wet Goddess and eight Unicorns!

"I was just sitting down with my vibrating phallus
And a good book", she said. "Christ you bitches are callous.

"I came when you called, over all my objections,
and got lost in the woods -- you give LOUSY directions.

"You turkeys invoked me, now look ay my dress
My periods late and I've got PMS."

She cursed and she muttered, she looked like a wreck
The Unicorns whimpered and shat on the deck.

We gave her some weed and we got her some grub
We brought her clean towels and she soaked in the tub.

Then she rose, hot and dripping, and gave us her blessing
And jumped in her chariot without even dressing!

"On Isis! On Eris! Oya and Astarte!
On Ishtar! Inanna! Kali! and Hecate!"

We heard her exclaim as she climbed through the air
"Thank Goddess there's only eight Sabbats a year!"

Happy New Year Folks! (forwarded by Paul Seymour, 1-1-91)

I don't think the Aztecs knew what they were starting. Oh, they called Xocatl the drink of the Gods, certainly, but they probably had no idea that Xocatl would give rise to the even greater deities Godiva, Nestle, Hershey, and Cadbury. Many of us enjoy these deities on a daily (all right, hourly) basis, yet so many people do not take the time to revere them properly, possibly because most of us do not know how (or, more likely, do not possess the necessary willpower). This ritual, preformed at this year 's Pagan Spirit Gathering (PSG), is designed for those longing to fufill an essential part of their spiritual paths. I am speaking, naturally, of Chocolate Rites.

This ritual is good for one of those evenings when it is your turn to host the monthly coven meeting and you haven't the foggiest idea what to do. Though this ritual might be called "light" at best and "downright silly" at worst, even the most dignified Craft practitioner is hard pressed to scoff at the chance to scarf down a pound or two of the God and Goddess incarnate.

Celebrating Chocolate Ritual

You will need: chunks of milk Chocolate, dark Chocolate, baking chocolate, Chocolate chips, hot Chocolate (or Chocolate syrup), a box of Chocolates, a stick of your favorite incense, a Chocolate Venus of Willendorf, and a Chocolate Horned God (a Chocolate egg and Chocolate bunny will do in a pinch). A large fingerbowl or packet of baby wipes is highly recommended.

Setup: An area large enough for everyone to stand in (preferably outside - this ritual can get messy). An altar with plates, bowls, cups, and boxes of the above ingredients set up as follows: East: milk Chocolate -- South: dark Chocolate (including baked products such as brownies) -- West: hot Chocolate (or Chocolate syrup) -- North: baking Chocolate Center: Chocolates. The God and Goddess figures should be placed on either side of the Chocolates.

Before beginning, Xocatl and his children are accompanied by literally thousands of tiny hangers-on that must be dealt with before beginning the ritual. Priest/ess says: "Before we begin, we must rid this circle of evil. (Wave incense.) Be gone, terror of the waistline. Flee, evil of the thighs. Leave us, horrors of the double chin. Calories may not enter here!" All: "Tastes great! Less fattening! Tastes great! Less fattening!" Now the Circle is Cast.

East: Use the Chocolate chips to draw a quarter-circle from North to East. The other participants may try to catch them in their mouths. Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail Chocolate of the East, milk Chocolate, mild, healing, and comforting." Eat a piece of milk Chocolate (so can the people standing at East). Sigh with rapture.

South: Use the Chocolate chips to draw a quarter-circle from East to South. Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail Chocolate of the South, dark Chocolate, primal, passionate, patron of Mounds Bars." Eat a piece of dark Chocolate (so can the people standing at South). Laugh or growl passionately.

West: Use the Chocolate chips to draw a quarter-circle from South to West. Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail Chocolate of the West, flowing, flexible, winter solace (or "ice cream perfecter" if using syrup)." Drink some of the hot Chocolate (so can the people standing at West). Say, "Mmmmmm!" while rubbing stomach.

North: Use the Chocolate chips to draw a quarter-circle from West to North. Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail Chocolate of the North, Chocolate mass, basis for all Chocolate, bitter as death and something we only want once." Eat a piece of baker's Chocolate (so can the people standing at North, if anyone wants it). Nod in serious contemplation.

Center Throw the remaining Chocolate chips into the air in the middle of the circle. Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail, Chocolate of the Center, Chocolates, synthesis of all, holder of secrets delicious and disgusting." Choose a Chocolate (so can the people standing at Center). Check the middle by pushing your thumb into the bottom. If it's one you like, eat it joyfully. If not, try to foist it off on someone else.

Invocation to the Goddess and God Pick up the Venus figure (or egg). Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail, Great Goddess Godiva." Bite off her head. Pass the rest out to the participants for further enjoyment. Pick up the Horned God figure (or bunny). Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail, Great God Nestle." Bite off his head. Pass the rest out to the participants for further enjoyment. Chant to the tune of "The Earth, the Air, the Fire, the Water..." the following: The milk, the dark, hot Chocolate (or "the syrup"), the bitter, return, return, return, return (repeat). So good, so good, so good, so good, yum-yum, yum-yum, yum-yum, yum-yum (repeat).

Final Invocation Everyone takes a piece of his or her favorite Chocolate. Have everyone place his/her right hand over the Chocolate. Priest/ess (all repeating): "I vow to remember the small, sweet things in life, to enjoy the delectable moments, and to give in to temptation on Thursdays. So mote it be." Eat the Chocolate.

Opening the Circle Face each direction with a bit of the appropriate Chocolate. Give thanks to the Chocolate of that direction. Throw the bit of Chocolate away as a libation. Yes, this takes a great deal of self-control, but it must be done. Walk solemnly to center of circle. Shout "PIG OUT!" Do so.

Hints For large groups, the Priest/ess might want to ask different participants to bring some of the Chocolate. A persuasive Priest/ess can therefore, given enough participants, get away without having to buy any Chocolate at all (though it's a good idea to keep this fact to yourself).

If you must buy the Chocolate yourself, buy it in bits and pieces, so to speak, and stash it in your freezer until you have enough. Post-Valentine's Day Chocolatess are invarably half-priced and are perfect for Center. Chocolate bunnies and eggs abound just after easter.

Caloric banishment notwithstanding, sugarless hot Chocolate is an ideal way to allow diabetics and dieters into the ritual without compromising their physical requirements. Masochistic dieters are encouraged to stand in the North and sop up excess baker's Chocolate.

Would an ancient Greek have sacrificed a papyrus cow to Zeus and expected a positive response? Of course not. Therefore, carob, so-called white Chocolate, and artifically flavored Chocolate have no place in this ritual.

Steven Piziks, Wisconsin

(taken from "Circle Network News, Summer 1992, Issue 45, Magicraft section. Special section on Pagan Gatherings)

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